soft outside, hard inside

Today has been a day. I forgot 1/2 day at school, baby boy had a melt-down because I had to stop feeding and bundle him into the car to go get the kids, did I mention he loathes his car seat? Pixie stole Iain's socks, not so bad all in all but he was wearing them at the time. I didn't vacuum and I didn't clean out the baby drawer, one daily and the one weekly thing I needed to do today. Yes I separate my chores into daily and weekly tasks in an effort to keep my head from exploding.

Before I had children I had such lofty views of what type of mother I would be. I would never be angry, I would never ever yell, and I would never get upset over the little things. I would be organized, the kids would be clean but not too clean and properly fed, I would listen to and consider every little request and would do everything I could to have a well run, clean, organized, and happy home...sigh...Well if today wasn't the day to make me feel like a big fat failure. I have done a lot of things wrong in my day, things in my life that afterwards I'd think yeah probably not the best decision, but none made me feel like an awful human being like a baby bawling in the back seat can.
Motherhood is rough, there are days I turn the dryer on 3 times just so I don't have to unload it. There are days we have cereal for dinner because I know everyone will eat it and the dish consumption  is minimal. There are days brushing my teeth before bed time is the only time I do that day. There I admit it.

It is amazing all the growing and learning kids do, the growth you see and the small trials overcome. I don't think many parents get the same notice, which I'm sure is the way it should be but parents do the same. We grow, we learn, we adapt and change we overcome challenges that to the un-kid world probably seem inane. To us, the day you get the laundry done, the dishes put away, pick the kids up on time, have a dinner with veggies in it, and get the story read and little ones in bed with hugs and kisses and smiles, those are the days we win. So someone didn't finish their peas, and the biggest fell asleep without brushing her hair, and the baby will probably want to eat again in about 20 minutes, as long as we do it all without tears, without yelling, without strife, I can say without a hint of remorse those are the best days.

Though in reality the days with the strife and the occasional tears, and the small breaks in the sereneness of home, they are the best too.